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Football Talk: Cotton wool for Kris Commons, Zlatan's karate kick

International week. Where we wear hats on our feet and hamburgers eat people.

Kris Commons, Celtic, July 2012.
© SNS Group

It is time to gear up to Scottish football’s monthly silly season – international week is upon us once more!

It’s that crazy, kooky nine days in the month when fans pick their favourite players and Football Manager-endorsed attacking formations then go tonto when Craig Levein picks his own side and leads them to a battling-draw-against-all-the-odds.

There a huge fitness boost for Levein contained within this very page.

There’s still a chunk of SPL action to reflect on and pore over (Pro Tip: every single goal, highlight and talking point can be found in glorious Technicolor video right here).

Get yourself In The Know (© The Internet) with the biggest stories in Scottish football this Monday.

Neil Lennon ‘delighted’ his star man is not going away with Scotland

Kris Commons is playing like a man possessed. After tormenting another defence at the weekend, his boss is going to tell the midfielder to put his feet up, run him a relaxing herbal bath and provide sensual foot rubs.

Pat Fenlon: ‘Winning at Easter Road is all that matters'

Nobody cares where Hibs are in the table, according to Pat. Tell the Hibs fans that.

Craig Brown tells Niall McGinn to be like Cristiano Ronaldo

The Dons boss has let slip one of the secrets of the trade – just tell your players to play like the best footballers in the world. Hey Presto! A formula for Win.

Steve Lomas hails his players’ attitude after home win

The Manager of the Month saw no hoodoo attached to his award, which he puts down to his squad’s attitude. And his Horn of Plenty approach to recruiting strikers.

Charles Green insists he won’t sack Ally McCoist despite Stirling Albion embarrassment

Is that a Vote of Confidence, Charles? The Rangers boss is feeling enough heat as it is...

Charlie Mulgrew should be fine for Scotland despite head knock

Mulgrew put his head in a cement mixer and came away feeling a touch woozy. You should have seen the other guy though.

From Stranraer, to Southampton…to Brazil?

Scotland full-back Danny Fox was given a hard time for heading to Stair Park on loan as a kid, in an interview that makes Davie Weir, Gary Naysmith and Duncan Ferguson sound like right meanies. (The Scottish Sun)

Kenny Miller fit to join up with the Scotland squad

Outstanding news, universally welcomed. (The Daily Express)

You liked news. Now how about some expert opinion?

The SPL Wrap: Ghostly goalkeeping, Killie knees-up, SPL Game of Thrones

Thom Watt’s weekly surreal summary of events in the top league comes with a top reference to “ironing ghosts”.

Forward thinking is vital to Craig Levein

An imploring, agreeable column from Stephen Halliday, summed up as roughly: “Dear Craig, please attack against Wales, lots of love, Scotland.”

John Terry and Ashley Cole have shamed Chelsea and England

Thundering opinion leader about the rather unpalatable goings-on down south. (The Observer)

We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve nodded in quiet agreement. Now get your peep holes round a quality finish from the one-and-only Zlatan.

This, by the way, wasn't worthy of a red card

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